Introspective Advent #9 Learning Skills

As a disclaimer : I'm not answering to all the introspective advent prompts offered by The Nife, I prefer to focus on the one that resonate with me or the ones that I feel I have difficulties to tackle (meaning I'm onto something). 

Today's Introspection: Learning Skills

My 2013 objective/wish was: 
I can't say I had objectives per say, I had some wishes but nothing really firm. So for example I wanted to improve :

• my photography skills 
• my drawing skills (sketching more precisely)
• my teaching skills
• writing skills (both as a diarist and a fiction writer)

One thing I discovered also is that I want to sing and know how to use my voice.

What I succeeded at: 
Hum. 
There are no successes really. 
I did take action tho to improve in all of these areas. 

 I read my camera manual.






I purchased a book about drawing, as well as drawing tools and watercolor set. 




 Concerning work I went to a very inspiring workshop with Pascale Toscani, a researcher in neurosciences. I got some books from there too. I've also tried to motivate the teachers of my department to cooperate and create resources together. This is quite hard to put in place.




As for writing I am now part of a writing group, with some beautiful geeks. I've only been to one of the two meetings held till now. 

  

For the singing I went to a workshop over a weekend I've been thinking I'll get some lessons at the beginning of the new year, as I'm paying for therapy and the gym at the moment and can't afford everything. 


The difficulties I encountered: 
I'm not making time for any of this. I am not improving because I'm not practicing. I have the tools but they seem to just sit there as proofs of my intentions to better myself. 

The key learning I can remember from 2013: 
Maybe I need to set SMART goals and start getting accountable to friends and family. I always work better when I have to answer to my goals.

My objectives for 2014:

I actually have a project around the concept of the "uncanny" that I'll have to work on for an exhibition with my photography club.




I can finish the workbook based on a workshop, that should improve my skills. I like to follow this blogger too.




I'll make continuous efforts with my colleagues, read the books I purchased and see how to apply them. I'll set some goals concerning my expectations for the pupils' achievements and review the topics I want to work on. 




I actually found a course of action on The Guardian, and will try to follow it. This will be for the longer work (a novel!). For the shorter work I'll be more regular with my personal life record and attend the writing sessions. 
  

Clearly not a priority for now. However I can start looking at the kind of songs I want to sing and learn them.

Introspective Advent #4 Looks and Style

Today's Introspection : Looks/Style 

My 2013 objective/wish was:
I didn't have a particular objective starting 2013 concerning my style, my wardrobe editing or my purchase habits. The truth is I'm constantly editing my wardrobe, and usually when something comes in something goes out. I actually have to stop myself from getting rid of ill fitting clothes otherwise I wouldn't have much left to wear, and some outfits wouldn't be possible.

What I succeeded at:
I believe I only bought pieces I liked during the year or things I needed. This is mostly due to the fact I rarely go shopping for clothes (maybe once a month), and that I don't fall easily in love for a piece of clothes. Everything is weighted before I acquire it.
I finally invested in proper training gear and that was really motivating to get back to sports. I had been putting it off for a while, but it makes such a difference to feel comfortable in gym wear!
I also did well inventing outfits with what I had.

The difficulties I encountered:
There are a few difficulties, but the one I struggle most with is : being comfortable and feeling attractive at the same time! I want to feel warm, to not think about the way something is going to look so I can move around freely in the classroom, be active but I want to my clothes to be flattering.

The key learning I can remember from 2013:
This comes from The Nife post about the Weak Zone, the part of your body you neglect. I definitively neglect my upper body part especially because I'm extremely flat chested. 
Another thing : I realized I still loved having accessories but that I wanted better quality ones. I get less tired of them when I've chosen them carefully. 

My objective for 2014:

- find a gold and a silver accessories "uniform". This means a set of earrings/necklace/rings/watch I can wear in silver or gold and that will fit several outfit. 

- find my "style statement". I already bought the book. 

- get more comfortable underwear (including socks) I can wear almost every period of the month (pun intended) in style

- get proper hoisery (it can be so versatile!)

- get rid of the clothes I still keep that "maybes"

- go shopping! I often don't buy clothes I like or need, I just "make do" with what I have. Honestly at this point it is not about minimalism but more about neglecting this outter part of me and that's not satisfying. 

Introspective Advent : #3 Sport and Exercise

Today's Introspection: sports and exercise

My 2013 objective/wish was :

Getting back to regular exercise every week. Be gentle but constant.

What I succeeded at :

I joined two different types of sports club during the year. In the first part of the year I went to a Pilates class and then, when I went back to work, I bit the bullet and joined a gym. 

The difficulties I encountered :

I wasn't having fun ! The first part of the year was very beneficial, my Pilates teacher was really a nice and intuitive woman. I had several one on one classes with her and she helped me stretch so well I felt new each time I came out. But truth was, I missed a good moving around, feeling a bit of pain, the energy relief from sweating. I also realized that although I loved water I hadn't been to a swimming pool in ages. And that was something I wanted to get back to, it feels natural.

The key learning I can remember from 2013:

I need diversity and convenience, given that I'm not that into sports to start with. The gym I go to is a good option for me : it's on my way from work, the timetable matches my own pretty much, and I like the different activities they offer.

This pic is from last year. We did a little excursion with friends in the forest.

My objective for 2014:

I'd like to be more consistent. Since I've registered I've been 2-3 times every week, except the last as I was down with a cold, but it would be nice to do more of a 3-4 times thing and at least once when I'm under the weather. I'll try to catch up during the holidays.

The other thing is new : I'd like to go by bike to school. My school is now not so far from my house and it's only poor timing that made me go by car most days. 

Lastly I'd like to get more active with my boyfriend on the weekends. Especially go on walks. We're both prone to discard exercise if the weather is not to our liking and I think it's a mistake. 

Introspective Advent

Like many, I consider December to be a time to wrap up on unfinished projects from the year but also as a time to prepare the year ahead.

Following the lead of Kali from The Nife I'll try to look at the different aspects of my life.

My hope

I must confess 2013 has been the year of dissatisfaction despite some superb highlights. I know I'm prone to look at the darker side of life (I'm seriously critical), and I expect to see the positive and part with this year on a higher note.

I would also like to set some foundations for next year.

[A book and a quote] Les Petites Filles Modèles by the Countess of Segur

[The Book]

Les Petites Filles Modèles ("The Perfect Little Girls" -far less awful than it sounds) is a French childhood book which is quite popular, still now, by the Countess of Segur. It's part of a trilogy beginning with Les Malheurs de Sophie ("Sophie's Misfortunes") and ending with Les Vacances ("The Holidays").

Les Malheurs de Sophie has been adapted for television but the appeal of this work doesn't seem so great now, altho it definitively was for me. I read all the books by her that I could put my hands on. They taught me some (christian) values despite myself that I can't shake off , not that I mind :

- never say something wrong about someone, you don't know what they're going through.  Sophie is very angry at a man who was supposed to come pick her up for some fun, she learns later he had an accident and died while she was being mean about him.

- children shouldn't be indulged all the time. In Les Caprices de Gizelle ( "Gizelle's tantrums"), you learn how hard it is to shake off bad habits you took on when you were a child, indulged beyond belief by parents. I loved that book, and one of the argument given by the aunt of Gizelle when she's sulking stayed with me (but it's soooo anti-feminist). She told the child : "you look so ugly when sulking, try on a smile!". And of course, being nice makes you prettier. Oh it's so silly but it worked so well for me. It also helped me as a teacher.

- you should help people in need if you can. Camille and Madeleine are always going with their mum to help the poor and it really had a huge impact on me.

Here is a good and honest review of the books, if you're interested.

[The quote]

"elle se souvint (...) que, lorsqu’on arrivait au fond de l’eau, il fallait, pour remonter à la surface, frapper le sol du pied"

"she remembered (...) that, whenever you ended up at the bottom of the pond, you had to, in order to go back up again, push the ground with your feet"

I think this quote had an impact on my outlook to life. It gave a useful advice in case I'd get in a scary situation in water for a start. Then it showed me you can always face difficult time but some well-spent energy at the appropriate time will get you out of it. Last but not least, there is an end to sorrows and hardships, as long as you're ready to get down to their source (the bottom of the pond).

Facebook negativity

So this post is very first world problem. 

This morning, as I was taking my breakfast, I was also browsing Facebook (hum, one more bad habit to kill). I ended up on the Facebook page of A., the now husband of one of my UK roommates. He's English and when I got to know my roommate, he was fighting in Afghanistan. I got to know him a bit better later when he spent some time in the house between service. He's an incredibly talented man, doing music and writing, moreover, he's got some kind of gentleness and sweetness about him, he also seems extremely loyal.

Since I left the UK, he and my roommate got married before moving to the US (where my roommate, H., comes from). Of course, I followed them on Facebook, to keep in touch. Well, at least, I tried to stay in touch, posting links  on their walls, sending some emails from time to time. They weren't the best to keep in touch. But you know, sometimes, some people are very active on Facebook and end up showing up in your feed very often. So, without even thinking about it, I kept up with their whereabouts and all. 

I learnt that A. became a gun instructor, which per se is not the problem, the problem is the attitude he adopted with it. In his eyes he enables people to defend themselves from the outside world, and anyone believing they don't need a gun or gun training are actually living in an utopia and if they don't agree are welcome to "jog the fuck on".

Previously I had been silent at the display of guns every other week (or day) in photos, I mean he's not responsible if the vision of guns make me uneasy, and this despite training I received in the reserve. I'd been quiet about my position about gun control in the US (from Europe, the US seems like a mad place on that issue), despite the way his relations or his wife's reacted to it (hey, I think I should get a concealed gun permit).

Anyways, I took his "jog the fuck off" comment personally. And this is where it begins. 

I entered a rant about the fact that guns aren't necessary to defend oneself and can actually worsen a situation. In my annoyance I ended up on a not so nice note asking a question that would confirm his redneckization (or not).

He didn't let it go. Nope. He apparently had been abused in another status which I hadn't seen, and had set some rules (like no political talk), which I didn't know either. He was therefore deeply annoyed and posted two statuses concerning the fact that if you don't like what he became, he'd rather you leave. The thing is he had been quite aggressive in his replies to me (I only posted one comment), and in turn I was hurt.

NE-GA-TI-VI-TY : a reaction

I started it. I decided to post in a "public" space a point of view that would NOT resonate with the addressee. Also I finished my comment on a not so nice note.

I was really angry at him. 

For not being able to discuss matters in an adult way

For making me the attraction of his page for the day by making such a big fuss about it

For making such controversial statements and then feel offended if people react

For asking people not to react to his statement when it's just impossible to do so

For assuming the worst of me

I started a private reply which was furious.
Then I paused. I was feeling really terrible. All that bad energy from his friends to me were eating up my self-esteem. Also, I had obviously hurt him deeply, and I felt bad about that.

So, I googled "negativity on Facebook". I found this article . And I followed the steps.

1. It's not about you. 

No, I didn't start all of it, and I wasn't at the root of the problem here. I was the ignition. He had expressed controversial views before, without accepting that in his 300 friends there would be some who wouldn't agree and express it, repeatedly.

2. Being defenseless

I was about to reply with a vengeance. But that wouldn't work, it would just feed his anger, and bring more nastiness to me and to him.
Therefore the email I ended up writing was apologetic, but firm. I really didn't want him to feel the way he felt, but neither did I deserve his hatred.

3. Forgive and delete

That's the most difficult!
I offered to break the "friendship" (more of a contact now really), in a civil manner. He deletes the 3 pics he's got of me in his albums, and we delete each other from our list, and effectively from our life. I'm great and he never really got to know me despite my efforts (the same goes for his wife).

You have to know I deal everyday with this kind of pettiness at work, as a teacher. I was quite ashamed to be in the center of such a mess today, and I had really strong feelings about it.

The lessons

1. Don't start. 

It took a lot to me to finally send a peaceful email. I'd have preferred not have to send one. It made me practice humility, so it's good, but I should have practice peace in the first place.

2. I must delete people who don't deserve me really, don't inspire me and just make me feel ill-at-ease. 

Even if it'd be great to visit their home country and crash their couch.

3. I understand my pupils better.

Mood for change

This is the blog for change.And while there are changes there are imperfections, so that's why this post is short (or long depending on how you see it) and not really the manifesto I expected to write. 

I just hope I'll be able to put my life in writing, photos, and videos. For that, I do need the appeal of a readership, unable to will and do them (the words, the photographs) just for myself. You're my motivation, readers, whether I know you or not. 

My secondary motivation is the possibility to some day print out the blog, in a year's time maybe? and see what's been experienced, attempted and hopefully accomplished. 

Blogs have been an inspiration, but also big time wasters. I figure, if I'm the one writing, I'll inspire myself and nourish myself instead of this state of life-anorexia, where I look at others' adventures without going on my own as often as I could. 

And adventures I know. I faced some of the fears and highs of the first world adventurers. Indeed my dear, you guessed well : 

• I lived abroad, without a plan! 
• I left my university without getting a job and had to rely on the kindness of strangers (well, I knew him and we lived together, sooooo, he wasn't that much of a stranger after all).  
• I then ended a relationship in my mid twenties although the hormones started kicking in and that I wanted to have a baby and a house and a marriage. 
• Instead I ditched all that and went back to live to my parents. 
• I pursued education while working. 
• I finally reached the Holy Grail of a stable job (almost a dream job) when I got my teachers' qualification (if you know what it entails in France you look at me in awe). 
• And now, now, there's the existential crisis pre-30th, well, 29th birthday (the worst innit?!). So my all body is under scrutiny, my relationship too, my spirituality is trying to take over my cartesian mind.
• Moreover : I'm discovering I'm not that special, without any great skills mastered. Not even eating food with my feet. Which was on my "25 before 25" list, and has never been crossed. I don't even know how to use the fancy coffee maker in the kitchen ! 

So you see, it was time to take action. Starting a blog is one. Let's see the others.